Character by Tim Connor, CSP

Adversity is normal in life. It can develop character, strength, courage, self-confidence and self-belief.

The dictionary uses words like fortitude, honesty and distinctive to define character. I use words such as: persistence, courage and self-reliance.

For years I have had an on-going verbal battle with several people about the value and importance of letting people fail, not helping them at every turn of life's wheel and not giving them whatever they think they need or are entitled to for them to succeed, survive or even just make it through another difficult day.

Now, don't get me wrong folks, I believe in a safety net and support system at those critical times in people's lives when they really need it. It can often mean the difference between overwhelming discouragement and making it through another day. I know the feeling and frustration of turning to people for help when I really needed it and getting a sympathetic no. I also know how it feels to be on the bottom and have someone rescue you emotionally, physically or financially. Having said that I also believe that the more you help people the less you help them in the long run. I can hear some of you now... Tim you idiot, take me off your dumb email list! Hang on here for just a minute folks.

I ask you, if every time someone is in need or has a perceived need, you help them, what do they learn? They learn that their life outcome is always in someone else's hands. They learn that whenever you are in trouble, you pick up the cell phone and call for help. They develop the attitude that just because they are here - they deserve it. No one owes anyone anything. Parents don't owe children an education, they do it because they love them, can afford it or want to, but not because the children are entitled to it. Companies offer employees opportunities for growth, responsibility and opportunity for economic freedom but they do not owe the employee respite from life's troubles and challenges. Life is not easy. When you make it too easy for people they seldom develop the ability to handle those future tough times when those who helped them in the past are no longer here or are able.

The problem is that these people never learn self-reliance, self-confidence, the skill in handling life's difficulties or character. And, they will come sooner or later. I had minimal support in my life and career once I turned 18. Yes, my parents loved me but they taught me that if you achieve anything worthwhile in your life you will be able to look back knowing you did it, not us, not your friends etc.

I have failed, been broke, discouraged, alone, in need - I could go on and on but I won't bore you with the gory details. I am now, after all of this drama and trauma in the top 1% of income earners in the U.S., written 32 books and sold over one million books worldwide and I got there because of my effort, time, commitment, willingness to get up again and again. Yes, I have great clients, some really good friends and a few associates who have all been a joy in my life and have been there for me from time to time, but they were not always there when I needed help. I was recently asked, what could you have accomplished if you had had a better education, given a leg up, or had someone there for you every step of the way? Here is the crutch of the issue. I may have accomplished more, earned more but would I have also developed the character necessary for survival? One will never know. We can only guess what your life would have been like if........

I am reminded of Tom Hanks' role in Castaway. Would he have survived better, sooner with help? Maybe, maybe not, but would he have developed the same inner strength, courage and self-belief and self-reliance in the process? I seriously doubt it.